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nothing ever works out for this family... dad got fired.
Update:He didn't get fired. I got the wrong information. He still has 1-2 weeks of anticipation as they go through his review. Please pray for him and my family.
in response to some comments
I don't think it's all satan. For those like me, you know how our parents are. "Be strong" they tell us. We're expected to be a foundation for everything, to be a symbol of excellence for the family. I'm tired of carrying that expectation. Those expectations are like a speaker with too much current flow. You overdrive it and eventually, it'll break. And well, I'm overdriven and I'm tired. Stop expecting more than what I'm capable of handling. Don't tell me it's all Satan. Yeah, he probably has something to do with it, but much of what I think about is a derivation of what I'm expected to act and be like. How can I do that and stay sane? I have enough stress here. Don't force me to stretch like that... because I will snap. I've been snapping, I was just taught to hide it well.
more news
read up on Paul's blog for the latest family news...
skipped another day of class today. that was fun.
It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colours of the world
Can anyone tell where I am
I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know
And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
thoughts accumulated over the week
This past week hasn't been the greatest. I suppose it started off alright, but it hasn't really ended very well. I feel... lonely. I'm not, I realize this; however, I feel I am. I think everyone know what I'm talking about. Ever just feel alone in the world? Not a soul to talk to... and if there are, I feel very distant and detached from them.
My week started off tiring. I had to do something the night before that ended up taking up much of my sleep time. I don't remember what I was doing, it feels like years ago. So I showed up to class late probably. Actually, I don't remember if I went to class that day or not... in any case, I posted last on that day. I went to work as usual... which I have not enjoyed these past few weeks. I've since learned that I won't be going home, which doesn't bother me all that much really... honestly, I don't feel like I want to go home. I'm not sure where I want to go, but it's not home.
Lately, there's been a thought running through my head that's telling me I'm not good enough. Nothing else really. I don't think I am either. In any topic. Good enough. Maybe that's why I feel lonely. In any case, that's why I'm updating. There's no one else I feel I can talk to, so I'm pouring it out here. I haven't talked to zay in awhile, but that's mostly cuz I feel like she doesn't want to talk to me, so I haven't called her. There's not much for me to talk about anyway. I don't have time for anything. I don't have a life and it's taxing.
I'm definitely burned out and I need a long holiday or I feel like I'll just snap. But enough people have already taken off of work and I have a stipulation to be able to take off... which I won't be able to do. So that's that. I'm stuck here working and have no one to talk to. So I'm typing on this computer... yeah... this is sad.
Lord I come to You
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace
That I’ve found in You
Lord I’ve come to know
The weakenesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love
Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I’ll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love
Lord unveil my eyes
Let me see You face to face
The knowledge of Your love
As You live in me
Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds in my life
In living every day
By the power of Your love
wow, an update.
So I guess it's about time I updated again. I skipped class today because I just didn't want to go and... I'm tired of working too, but I don't have much of a choice there. I'm pretty burned out and need a long holiday but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I don't think I'll be coming home for "summer break" cuz I need to make money in order to fly down to Paul & Ashley's wedding which I'm sure will be fun. I may take off from class that day too... anyway. Just thought I'd rant a little since I'm being a bad student. I shouldn't complain though... there are people much worse off than I am, so I should be grateful for what I have and am able to do.
